Bird is the word

So, we decided to start trying again on our next cycle which (all of those who can't handle tmi *earmuffs*) started today. I have an appointment next friday to talk about it with my gyno, and to set up a 21 day progesterone. I have lost 22 lbs since my last post. Hopefully I will continue to lose more. I should be happy about all this, but alas the plans may be foiled already. I got food poisoning two weeks ago, and finally saw my pcp today (i avoid doctor visits) who said I restarted a normal diet too soon. She put me on the Banana Rice Applesauce Toast diet until saturday, and of course af is making it VERY difficult. Of course I know deep down that the bloody medium rare 100 % angus beef prime cut I'm craving oh so badly will bring my insides running for all evacuation sites available. But the want is still there. Then on MasterChef they baked warm chocolate chip cookies... The biggest vice of mine to deal with auntie flo's always untimely visits. It is very hard. But it needs to be done. In other news, the mil and bil is moving far and away. Hopefully it will take some of the stress off the DH and my relationship. Only time will tell.

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Our Journey so Far....

Sorry it has been a while I didn't know it had been so long until I looked this morning on my page and saw my join date. Today's blog will be about our journey thus far as all my other blogs have been just rantings on other topics. My husband is 27 and I am 24, and we have been trying since I was 19 to have a baby. We have been to two ob's, as well as infertility doctors, and I have been impregnated three times. One of which was before I knew I had any issues. I was healthy looking back then. I had no issues with my cycle then either. then all of a sudden I had a miscarriage and within a month had gained nearly 200 lbs. Nothing changed with me, I had the same exercise and eating habits which weren't bad. No doctor could tell me what was wrong. I moved to a different state found a new doctor and found out I had PCOS. The doctor told me I probably always had it, but the pregnancy just jumped started hormones or something. DH and I then began trying for next pregnancy. Nothing nothing and more nothing. OB put me on metformin and checked my progesterone. she told me it was a little low, but not that bad, i had a 7 when ideally you want a 10. but she still put me on clomid. It took five rounds of clomid but it happened!!! we were finally pregnant again after two and a half years. what a miracle!! but alas we lost our little miracle at only six weeks. I went for an ultrasound to make sure everything was coming out as it should, and they found a 7cm cyst in my right ovary. They scheduled a laparoscopy for February, and they got rid of it. She also told me she would look around and get rid of any other cysts or issues she may find. a week post op i had complications and had to rush to the hospital. they found two more cysts on the other side, one 5cm the other 3cm. these are cm we are talking about not mm so she should have seen them right? guess not because there they were. by this time i had scheduled to speak with a new doctor, a fertility specialist. I had my initial interview, and he did his own ultrasound since I was three days into a new cycle, he told me we might as well not waste this cycle. the cysts were two large and he told me we would have to do yet another laparoscopy, this was only a month and a half after my last one and I had really only just recovered. I was devastated. The next available date for surgery was a month later (a few days before my anniversary). We booked it and went on with our lives. Had the surgery got rid of the two cysts that the first doctor neglected and he found a minuscule spot of endometriosis. By June we were cleared to begin our treatment. we did more clomid, four more rounds, coupled with hcg trigger shots. in October we found out we were again expecting. but it didn't last long as I miscarried two days after we found out. we took a break through Christmas and then got back into the clomid hcg cocktail. in march the doctor decided to add IUI. we did that once and then gave up because DH grandma got real sick, and ended up passing. at the same time his sister announced she was expecting which happens every time I miscarry, so i decided I didn't wish to begin trying until she gave birth(she is a whole different story). they my grandfather got sick and i moved in with him to help him until he passed in November. so it has been nearly a year since we began our break. we haven't been preventing anything but nothing happened so it doesn't really matter. last cycle I decided I wanted to start trying again about halfway through my cycle. I ordered fertilaid, and started taking it right away. I got my period on time for the first time in ages. I have also gotten acne this cycle around AF which hasn't happened since i was 18. I'm hoping these are good signs and I will continue to take fertilaid for at least three months as is suggested on the bottle. I'm hopefully that this will be our year. after all our trials the last two years have given us with the two miscarriages and two deaths, I think we deserve a little miracle. If anyone reads this, I do apologize for the rambling. Please forgive me

Long Time Gone

Just found this saved. I believe it is from April of last year. Thought I would post it just for posterity. .. So it has been about a month. I apologize for my absence. I have not been able to use the internet and in fact I'm writing todays entry from my blackberry which seems to be loosing all of its smarticles. I have been suffering from bouts of insomnia lately largely due to the stress of my current life. Mý grandpa recently found out he had colon cancer. He underwent radiation and it was determined surgery would kill him just due to being under for so long. On top of that removing the mass in his colon would not necessarily help him due to the fact it has masticized to both his liver and lungs. Visiting with him has taken up a majority of my free time. It is quite difficult to blog via a lost-smarticle blackberry so therefore I once more will sign off. Just wanted to let you know I was still around. Just incredibly depressed.

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Yes Dear

My title today has to do with the fact that it is what I'm watching. I apologize for the unoriginality of it but I'm not super at this whole "naming the entry" deal just yet. I woke up this morning with a migraine from hell. It was bad enough that I took an Excedrin and tossed and turned for an hour an a half before falling back to sleep. When I woke back up two hours later I still felt the lingering effects of a slight headache, but the aura, throbbing, and want to vomit had left the building.

Unfortunately I have reached the end of what I can think of to write for now. I am sorry.

Water water

As the old saying goes there seems to be water(in the form of jobs) everywhere I go, yet once I place my application and resume the job seems to fill with more water that does not consist of me. I have been to several places today, and actually had an interview(pause for applause) and am now sitting on the couch with my furry friends and my best friend who is also in the same large boat with me and a million other people. I'm not lazy my animals just make it seem as such. They tell me to put the recliner up. They tell me to grab the blanket, what else am I to do but oblige?
Overall I feel semi-confident about the interview this morning. I was told I would get a phone call to come in for a working interview, which is supposedly some big business! I'm hopeful and really want this position as it is in a dermatologist office, and my long term goal is to be a Physicians Assistant in the same field.

I woke up this morning to a text message from my mother-in-law, who is currently away helping her not so nice daughter during her last few weeks of her third pregnancy. It said "call me when you wake up.. I miss you guys" My friend who is chillaxin with me also received a similar message but it also included the grand phrase "no baby yet". Unfortunately this M.I.L. lives literally two minutes from me.. Walking distance, as she and her other son followed us to our apartment complex. This, therefore, means we see his mom nearly everyday if only to say "hi". I have tried to stay composed through this situation, although it is extremely hard to do. In fact the only time I have ever blown up on her was when I had my third miscarriage and was attempting to take a few days to myself. I was outside with my dog and she and other son was on their way to school(the same school for which I attended.. another round of follow the leader) and she yelled at me saying I need to get going, I was going to be late. I told her I was taking a few days off and she decided to lay into me and used not wanting me to quit school as her excuse. I don't exactly see how missing two days after a traumatic life event is going to correlate to me quitting school and I screamed at her telling her to eff off, that she has never had to deal with the emotional or physical pain that a miscarriage causes. Especially having to deal with it coinciding with her daughter being pregnant. So every time I miscarry I feel as if I don't get any sympathy from her because she is overjoyed her lazy un-motherly selfish daughter is having yet another child to neglect.

Apologies for the negative turn this installment has taken. I just received a voice mail from said MIL and it may have enraged me a tad. It is okay, I have taken a few deep calming breaths and am now on the road to recovery. Thanks for letting me rant!

Opening Statements

To begin my newest venture I will put a lil' somethin' somethin' about myself. I am 24 years young and am married to the best guy a girl could ever hope for. He is caring and understanding of my flaws including but not limited to my inability to keep a steady job or pregnancy. Instead of kids we have decided to raise a cat named Kozmoe and a chihuahua named Veronica, both of which are named from cartoons of which we enjoy... Of course this decision was not made because of us not wanting actual human children to raise, but sometimes you just don't get what you want. After spending four long years trying, two of which were assisted and we are still paying for, we have decided to take a pause from the torture of having sex for procreation. When it is for recreation it is so much more fun... (I apologize for anyone who finds the my use of the ellipsis annoying.) On top of having to deal with the lack of working ovaries I have to deal with many people in my life experiencing the miracle of life. One of which happens to be my evil sister in law who enjoys to rub it in my face any chance she gets. I therefore avoid all alone time with this woman who at one point was a good friend of mine(she introduced me to her brother who is now my loving husband). She has synchronized her uterus with mine, as hers gets filled with a bundle of joy just as mine expels one prematurely. I have spent hours crying in the dark in my pajamas cuddling up with my three best friends:Kozmoe, Veronica, and Breyers. But all that has gotten me is the need to wash our sheets more often and a new waist size.
Currently I am looking for a job again in this awesome economy. I went to school to be a medical assistant as I was assured that the medical field is an ever growing one and yet, most of my fellow classmates and I have yet to be blessed with a career. Again I am trying to stay optimistic about that area as well, but it is a bit hard.
Anyway, when I'm not waxing upon my life issues I enjoy reading and writing. I watch a bit of tv as well, my favorites being Supernatural, True blood and House. I also enjoy watching films that include Jackson Rathbone as a main or prominent character, this makes Eclipse my favorite in the Twilight Saga. I have been a proud member of Team Jasper before it was cool. Not to mention I was a 15 or 16 year old drooling over a young Jackson on Disney 411 as I am comfortable with myself to admit Even Stevens and Lizzie Maguire were favorites of mine well into my college career. I also enjoy Harry Potter and musicals. Lastly, so long as I am able to afford it, I enjoying branding myself with bright pretty colors. Currently I am attempting to save money to get Invader Zim and Gir put indefinitely on my left and right calf respectively.
I hope you have enjoyed my feeble first attempt at doing this whole blogging thing!!!